Kevin Federline Calls Howie Day Trash

Britney's ex Kevin Federline is less-than-impressed by her new love-interest, singer Howie Day. Here's what a source told Star magazine about Federline's diss:

When Kevin heard [Britney and Howie] had a sleepover at her house, everyone wanted to know about it. He lit up a cigarette and said he guessed you have to head to the dump to find trash, referring to how Britney and Howie met while in rehab.

I think that's a bit of a low-blow. Okay, so Howie does have a little history of being less-than-nice to women. But a piece of trash?

Oh, but Kevin isn't the only one who thinks this. The Star source continues:

People have told Britney point-blank this guy has a permanent barstool in the Loser Lounge. I was with her when one of her most trusted girlfriends told her, "You cannot let this guy into your life — after he gets a little publicity he will be gone." But when people say stuff like that, it’s music to Britney’s ears. She likes the drama.

So let me get this straight - according to this individual, Britney actually wants to be used like a Kleenex and tossed away, because she "likes the drama?" Honey, that ain't a melodramatic bent you're describing - that's masochism. Crazy-ass Britney - she probably likes having people slap her around and cum in her hair too. Shit, she probably got rid of Federline because he wasn't freaky enough. "You want me to do what to your what?" Now, this Howie Day character - he's probably right up Britney's alley. A shit-smearer. Hell they probably feed it to each other. Howie probably takes a big dump and then pushes Britney's face into it. That chick is wack.

(source)

Kevin Federline and Taryn Manning...Touch... Sorta...

Does Kevin Federline have something going with Taryn Manning? Or is he just the kind of creepy dude who has to press himself up against every female who comes within range? Don't know. Here are Kevin and Taryn at some pre-Kentucky Derby event anyway. Dang, what's happened to the Kentucky Derby? That used to be a classy deal full of high-society chicks in big hats sipping mint juleps. Now they're letting in no-account douchebags like Federline and skeezy little hos like Taryn Manning? God. The next thing you know they'll be admitting filthy criminals like Paris Hilton...

Two People Crabbie Never Wanted To See Together: Paris Hilton And Kevin Federline

All right, it appears all the news today is going to have to do with Paris Hilton one way or another. Here we see the wonky-eyed one at Tao in Las Vegas hanging with Kevin Federline - now I know there's no God, because if there was, He would not permit a thing like this. No, this has to be the work of Satan. Or a couple of clever publicists - which is about the same thing. Of course, the sad thing about this is that Paris thinks she's tweaking her former pal Britney. Sorry to break it to you Paris, but Britney doesn't give a shit - she's too busy having arguments with the voices in her head to care if you fuck around with Federline. And besides, looking at your face in that picture, I'd say you're not exactly thrilled to have the world's most famous deadbeat on your arm. Frankly, you look like you'd rather be anywhere but there.

All right, I can't look at it anymore. Next!

Lindsay Lohan And Kevin Federline May Have Had Sex

Lindsay Lohan and Kevin Federline have engaged in sexual intercourse, claims the National Enquirer. According to the story, Lindsay called Federline last week to set up what he thought was a business meeting at the Raffles L'Ermitage hotel in Beverly Hills. But, after Federline showed up with his manger - cause it was a business meeting, winkity-wink - Lindsay suggested they have a private get-together in her suite instead (which Federline did not see coming at all of course). It was then that the two allegedly got to know each other in the biblical sense.

The Enquirer also claims that Federline and Lohan met through his ex-wife Britney Spears, and that Kevin and Lindsay "were always flirtatious with each other." So they were making goo-goo eyes while Kevin was still married? What kind of shameless slut is Lohan? And why, if these two were so hot for each other, did it take Kevin this long to hook up with Lindsay? Was he apprehensive for some reason? Did the prospect of contracting some horrible STD make him skittish? God, why does the Enquirer have to publish stories like this? I know they love Crabbie over there - why can't they show me a little mercy? Federline and Lohan. Could anything be more disgusting?

(source)

All Britney, All The Time

Guess what - there's Britney news again. No, nothing earth-shaking - as far as I know she's still in rehab and is still fricking nuts. But even when nothing's happening, we have to keep talking about Britney - we can't help ourselves. So, here we go:

Item 1: Britney's Father Calls Her "A Sick Little Girl"

Jamie Spears, Britney's da-da, has decided to chime in on his daughter's troubles. And what insight does this genius, who was once in rehab himself, have to impart? Well, he told Fox News that Britney is "a sick little girl" whose problems "are not about what other people think." Really? And what does Jamie think we think her problems are about? Cause I know what I think - her problems are him and that no-account mother of hers. And as long as they're the ones helping her, she ain't getting any help.

Some support-system Britney has - a bunch of people who just want to prop her up long enough to squeeze the last dime out of her. Even Howard K. Stern and Vergie Arthur aren't this crass.

Item 2: Britney's Old Friends Say She's Been A Druggie For Years

Here's a revelation that ain't exactly shocking - some old friends of Britney's say she's been a drug abuser since at least 2003. According to Amanda Alexander, sister of Britney's first "husband" Jason, Britney used to take Ecstasy a lot, and snorted coke while hanging with friends in her Louisiana hometown. And another alleged compadre of Britney's, Kent Smith, says the pop-star "does like to party" and claims to have been present when Britney took "Ecstasy and cocaine."

First of all, what the fuck kind of friends are these? Again - shitty support-system. Second of all, do these wizards actually think they're stunning the world? Yeah, Britney's on dope. I would be too if I was surrounded by people like you.

Item 3: Are Federline And Lynne Spears Really In Alliance?

We were previously led to believe, mostly by this story, that Federline and Lynne Spears had joined forces in their efforts to take care of Jayden James and Sean Preston while their mom was off exploring new heights of lunacy. But, according to Janet Charlton, this story may not be accurate. Charlton's version of events has Federline showing up at Britney's Malibu house while she was in rehab for the second time and snatching the children away from an upset Lynne. Reportedly, Lynne tried calling the cops on Federline, but since he's their father, it didn't really count as kidnapping. Lynne then supposedly informed Britney that Federline had taken the kids, which is why she rushed out of rehab so abruptly and went to meet with a lawyer. Later that night, Britney went to see Federline, and was told by him that she had to get back into rehab or he'd have the kids taken away from her. I guess it all fits. It does sort of cast a different light on the Federline/Lynne Spears relationship. Doesn't sound like they're all that chummy. Then again, X17 is reporting that Lynne is in Sherman Oaks today visiting Federline and the kids. Here's Lynne talking into Federline's security intercom:

"I'd like a large order of parenting skills and a clue on the side, please..."

Federline Daddies Up

Britney Spears' seemingly unending tumble into oblivion has turned into a positive-publicity bonanza for at least one person - Kevin Federline. Once dismissed as a leech, Federline has seen his public image rise in proportion with Britney's decline - it's gotten to the point now where many former Britney supporters have shifted their allegiance to Federline, and are openly calling for him to get custody of their two kids, Jayden James and Sean Preston. And Federline himself seems more-than-eager to bring that result about, even going so far as to call for an emergency custody hearing today before an L.A. judge (a hearing that, according to TMZ, will not be happening after Britney's sudden return to rehab).

And then there's all the gushing news about Federline's daddying-up during Britney's recent difficulties. According to US Weekly, Federline has formed a baby-watching alliance with Britney's mother Lynne, and has brought his own mother Julie Bleak in to help. In the words of a Spears family friend, "Britney's family feels that Kevin has been a blessing and they are very impressed with Kevin taking so much responsibility."

Taking so much responsibility? Um, aren't they his kids? Isn't that what he's supposed to do? This is getting a little bit sickening to me, all this pro-Federline shit. Like, all of a sudden he's Daddy of the Year material? All right, so I'll give you this - Federline is clearly more grown-up and able to take care of his shit than Britney. But, sorry, that ain't saying much. And all this stuff about Federline being in league with Lynne Spears to take care of the kids - Lynne Spears? She's the reason Britney's in the wretched state she's in to begin with. Unless her child-rearing skills have improved dramatically since Britney was a youngun, I'd say she's about the last person you would want having anything to do with poor little SP and JJ. No, I'm sorry, but this situation is just crappy all around. Even if Federline turns out to be SuperDaddy, those kids are going to be pretty messed-up, and whose fault is it going to be? In the end you will have to blame it on Lynne and Jamie, Britney's parents. Cause they were the ones who shoved her into the spotlight in the first place, looking to live vicariously through her, and more importantly, make lots of money off her. They were the ones who essentially took away her childhood, retarding her emotional growth to the point where - well, we've all seen the sorry state Britney has come to. The lesson here is simple - don't push your kids into show-biz. There are plenty of adults who can't handle the spotlight very well - imagine trying to deal with it while still going through adolescence, which is enough of a bitch on its own? Sadly, Britney's downfall was inevitable. She never had the support-system. The only chance for her now is to completely rebel against it, tell her dumb-ass parents to go jump in a river, and try to find herself. But, I'm afraid that's not going to happen. The people who make a living off her are going to patch her up the best they can and throw her out there again, try to squeeze whatever juice is left, then toss the husk in the nearest garbage bin. In fifteen years, if Britney's still with us, there won't be much left. But look on the bright side for Lynne and Jamie - by that time SP and JJ will be old enough to be in their own boy-band.

Federline Worried About Britney

Kevin Federline might be a good egg after all. Sources told People that the would-be pro-wrestler cancelled a big weekend he had planned in Vegas because he wanted to be available to Jayden James and Sean Preston during their mom Britney's period of difficulty. "Kevin is concerned for Britney and his children," a friend of Federline's said. "Of course he's concerned about her. He loves her. He's always loved her – even after she started divorce proceedings."

Aw, ain't that sweet - Kevin loves Britney. Of course, this story sort of contradicts something Crabbie reported earlier - that Federline was basically rooting for Britney to melt down, because it would help him in his custody battle. Maybe Federline got wind of that New York Daily News story about his rather cold-hearted conniving and decided to leak a counter-report, lest he come off like a completely calculating turdbag. What am I saying - Federline isn't clever enough for that. Probably, Federline is just chillin' at the crib while all his friends keep saying this crap. In fact, if you informed Federline about any of it, he'd probably be shocked. "I have friends?" he'd probably say. And then he'd ask if you wanted your lawn mowed, or your gutters cleaned out, or any other work done around the house, or maybe your car washed.

Federline Jockeying For Position In Baby Fight

Kevin Federline has a strategy for getting custody of his two kids with Britney Spears - just lay low and let the crazy bitch blow it for herself.

"He is just waiting for her to get worse," a friend of Federline's told the New York Daily News. "She is only hurting herself right now."

She's only hurting herself right now - understatement of the year, buddy.

Of course, Hollywood is a pretty weird place. Clubbing every night of the week and mysteriously shaving one's head might make waves in Tulsa, but on the left coast, such behaviors are not quite so extreme, and ultimately may not play much into the court's decision as to who gets custody of Jayden James and Sean Preston. What matters, according to attorney Nathan Goldberg, is the face-to-face time with evaluators:

"The custody evaluator will want to observe each of them interacting with the children to see how they behave with the children and how the children relate to them."

So, if the kids get a load of their bald mommy and run screaming into Federline's arms - that's game-over, I guess.