Oprah Defends Leadership Academy

Oprah Winfrey has come out in defense of her South African "Leadership Academy for Girls" after reports saying the school was too strict with its students. Said Oprah's Leadership Academy Foundation in a statement:

Our goal is to protect the health, welfare and well-being of the students at the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy. As with other boarding schools, we provide a structured, safe and nurturing environment in which the girls can learn and develop.

Hmm, controversy over Oprah's boarding school. I wonder what kind of crazy shit they were doing there. Chaining the students to their desks? Forcing them to work in sweat-shops like Kathie Lee Gifford? Whipping and beating them? Wait a second, I've got it right here. Let's see...it says the school banned cell phones and e-mail during the week, required that parents arrange their visits at least two weeks in advance and limited the students' visitors to four each. And they discouraged the kids from eating junk food. Nothing here about whips and chains and being forced into slave labor camps. And what's the problem exactly?

Oh, I see, they wouldn't let the kids have cell phones and junk food. And who exactly are the people who were objecting to Oprah's academy? If they're in favor of cell phones and junk food in school, then they must be American high school superintendents. Damn - Oprah probably doesn't allow sex and smoking marijuana in class either. That fascist, she'd never be able to administrate an American school. Everyone knows that what makes the U.S. educational system so great is that we let the students do whatever the hell they please without consequences. Cause who wants to learn anything? Yakking on the phone and scarfing high-fructose corn syrup is so much more fun. And the best thing is that, then, the teachers don't have to bother teaching anything. And they still get paid! You can't fucking fire them no matter how bad they suck! Isn't America great?

No distracting bullshit or unhealthy food in school. Yeah, that Oprah. She's completely unreasonable.

(source)

Maybe Rachael Ray Isn't So Bad After All

You know that old saying, "The enemy of my enemy is my friend?" Well, I believe in that saying. I believe that one can overcome an aversion to someone when that someone demonstrates themselves to have an equally intense aversion to another person toward whom one has even more powerfully averse feelings than the first person. Or something like that. What I'm trying to say is, when you hate someone, and then find out that the person you hate actually hates someone else you hate even more, you can come to develop a bond with that person you thought you hated. God, I'm tying my brain in knots today. All right, god damn it, I'll just come out and say it: I don't hate Rachael Ray as much as I used to hate her.

Yes, I know, it sounds like a miracle. The woman I declared to be Satanic just a few days ago taking this giant leap in my esteem. How does a thing like that even happen? Well, as I tried to explain in my first paragraph, it happens because there's someone else you hate even more, and when the other person you hate demonstrates that they also hate this person...

This is too complicated. So I'll boil it down. I do not hate Rachael Ray as much as I once hated her, because I now know that Rachael Ray hates Oprah, and I hate Oprah worse than anyone on the face of the earth with the possible exception of Russell Crowe.

Wait a second. Rachael Ray hates Oprah? I thought Oprah gave Rachael her start on legitimate television? I thought they were buds? Well, apparently they're not. Apparently, Rachael is not a huge fan of Oprah at all. According to an unnamed source dredged up by TMZ, Rachael has said terrible things about Oprah while under the influence of red wine.

The alleged Oprah-bashing occurred on December 3, 2005 (yes, we have an exact date) at Houston's restaurant in the Century City Mall in Los Angeles. Ray was there eating dinner with seven other people, having previously held a book-signing in the mall. According to the source, Ray consumed at least four large glasses of red wine, and became "extremely loud and aggressive." In her drunkenness, Ray started holding forth about Oprah, whose company she was then negotiating with in hopes of bringing her Food Channel shtick to day-time TV. At one point, Rachael mentioned a painting Oprah has hanging in the lobby of her production offices in Chicago, an image from the film Beloved in which Oprah wears a slavery-era skirt and bares a back covered in lash-scars. Said Ray of the image, "Why is she wearing slave drag? She obviously has problems being black."

So that's how Rachael behaves when she gets drunk. She disses the people who are trying to help her career, and rips them for having issues with racial identity. Hilarious.

But wait, there's more. Not content with criticizing Oprah, Ray launched into similarly unpleasant diatribes against other well-known stars. Like Brad Pitt, whom she called "a pussy-boy," and Angelina Jolie, whom she dubbed, "a skanky backdoor cunt." Of course, Rachael's people are denying any of this ever happened. According to them, Rachael has never used words like "cunt" in her life. Sure she hasn't. And they also say that the other members of Rachael's dinner-party that day have come out in her defense, refuting the claims of TMZ's source.

All right, so it's one person's word against that of an entire dinner-party (not to mention other people who would've been in ear-shot of loud, drunken Rachael). And it does seem a little convenient that all this stuff is coming out now when Rachael is popular. On the surface, it smells like a smear campaign. However, I am inclined to believe the source's claims, for one simple reason - people who act as happy as Rachael are clearly filled with anger underneath, and when people like that drink, the anger tends to come out. There is pure, volcanic rage in Rachael's heart. And, what's more, there is animosity toward Oprah. And anyone who hates Oprah's guts that much can't be all bad.