Here's Paris Hilton with another one of her furry friends. Jesus, what is she doing to that poor thing? Look at the look on its little face. It's either experiencing some kind of discomfort, or is expecting to experience it any second. I'm serious - I think the animals know now. I think they send each other psychic warnings, like, "Holy shit, here comes that Hilton bitch. Cinch your ass-cheeks up real tight man. Don't let anything in. Just hold on, it'll be okay." This poor dog, he's trying to leave his body now - he's trying to imagine himself in a nice field of fire hydrants and plastic chew-toys. "Shit, why did she have to pick me up? Why couldn't she have grabbed Tinkerbell 2 this morning? I never should've made eye-contact." Be strong, four-legged friend - be strong.
