Goldie Hawn Is A Mess

Goldie Hawn ambles down the street in Brentwood. Uh, one thing no one wants - pokies on an eighty-year-old. And Goldie, I realize you're elderly and all that, so some of it you can't help, but seriously - just straighten the glasses, okay? Then you won't look quite so much like a crazy old woman on a field-trip from the rest-home.



I thought plastic surgery was supposed to make you look better. My God, shave that head and she's...

Liz Taylor Backs Hillary Clinton

Hillary Clinton is going to be president of the United States. You can go to Vegas right now and lay down your cash on it. Don't even hesitate. She's got it sewn up.

Pretty confident there, aren't you Crabbie? What, do you have some kind of crystal ball or something? Some power that allows you to see into the future?

Huh. Power to see into the future? What do I need that for? I've got something even better. Yes sir. Something that guarantees beyond a doubt that Hillary will capture the presidency in 2008. I've got Liz Taylor. That's right, old, fat, heinous Liz. She's endorsed Hillary, and that's all the guarantee I need. I don't even have to follow the damn campaign anymore (Barack Obama? Give me a break.). And on election night when Hillary goes up against John McCain, I'll be able to go to bed early, cause I'll already know who won. Yup. Cause you know what they say - As Liz Taylor's endorsement goes, so goes the country.

Or maybe that's, "As Liz Taylor's bowels go, so goes the country." I forget.

The Well-Preserved Raquel Welch

They threw Raquel Welch a dinner in New York, and what do you know, Raquel Welch showed up. And she's still looking pretty damn good if you ask me. Though I don't even care to speculate on what sort of engineering feat was required to get her boobs, which have to be down around her knees by now, into that exact position.

(Several commenters have noted that the picture isn't displaying. I forgot to re-size it before posting it, so maybe that was causing it. It should be there now. If it still isn't, I don't know what to tell you. It's Raquel looking pretty good for an old gal.)