Arnold Schwarzenegger must want to keep the respect and confidence of the people of California, because today he turned down Paris Hilton's heartfelt MySpace-generated appeal for a pardon.
I'm actually sort of shocked that the now-infamous Joshua's petition didn't work. I mean, look at how beautifully he made his argument on behalf of Paris:
Paris Whitney Hilton is 26 year old American celebrity and socialite. She is an heiress to a share of the Hilton Hotel fortune, as well as to the real estate fortune of her father Richard Hilton. She provides hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to (most of) our otherwise mundane lives.
And who could dispute any of that? Yes, Paris's middle name is indeed Whitney (I actually thought it was Cumtrap, but I checked on Wikipedia and it's not). She is an heiress to a share of the Hilton Hotel fortune as well as the real-estate fortune of her father Richard - though I'm thinking at this rate her cut may dwindle to a couple gum wrappers and an old dog-toy by the time she's ready to collect. She does provide hope for young people all over the U.S. and the world - hope that they too can one day become rich and useless. And, indisputably, Paris does bring beauty and excitement to our sad, pathetic, mundane lives - if by "beauty and excitement" you mean "wonky-eyed fugliness and shameless sluttery to make even the worst whores in history blush."
There's a lot of other stuff in that petition letter too, but my favorite part has to be this:
Singer/actress Brandy Norwood's California Highway accident, although no proof of DUI was evidenced in her accident, resulted in the death of a young wife and mother in California, yet Brandy walks free as of today, never doing any time and a woman is now dead possibly due to her reckless driving.
Yet, Paris Hilton did not hurt, injure, or kill anyone or anything, and yet she must do jail time.
How bad must Brandy feel. Not only is she a murderess, but now she's being used by people as an example of someone lower and more guilty than Paris Hilton. She might just as well throw herself in front a car.
Anyway, all of this is a moot point - governor Schwarzenegger's office refused the Paris petition. And here's the letter that office released by way of explanation:
Thank you for contacting Governor Schwarzenegger regarding Paris Hilton. The Governor always appreciates hearing from constituents on issues important to them.
Although the Governor’s office has not received a formal request for assistance from Ms. Hilton, the Governor generally will not consider intervening in private legal matters. While the Governor does have executive clemency power, Governor Schwarzenegger will exercise his clemency power only in unusual or extraordinary cases and generally after all judicial remedies have been exhausted.
On behalf of the Governor, thank you again for writing. An informed and engaged citizenry is essential to a successful and responsive government.
Sincerely,
Patrick Campbell
Office of Constituent Affairs
"An informed and engaged citizenry." Oh, that's rich. A bunch of mouth-breathing MySpace twits signing a petition to get Paris Hilton off - that's Democracy at work, baby. Hold on a second while I spit out the little bit of puke that just crept into my mouth.
(source)
Thanks to Crabbiefan Audra for the tip.
